Breaking the Chains of Judgement

I’m going to be brutally honest…I struggle with being afraid of what people think of me. Judgement…it is one of the WORST feelings in the world in my opinion. Growing up in a VERY difficult family with a terrible childhood and very little guidance, wisdom, and support is the perfect recipe for anxiety, fear, low self-esteem, and little confidence to grow within an individual. AKA, me. And I’m willing to bet some of you reading this understand how this feels 100%.

Trying to break free from the chains of judgment and caring about what people think of you is painful, terrifying, and insanely difficult. But once you do, it’s also the most freeing feeling.

Right now, I struggle with a few areas in which I feel anxiety creep up over me when I start to care about what people think. One of those areas is my business. My husband and I run a successful essential oil business where we help educate families on the uses of essential oils and empower them to live more natural and simple lives. We love every second of it, but there are days when it gets very challenging because of people saying “no”, people not believing they’ll work, people thinking what we do is a scam…and the list goes on.

But on those days, I need to remember WHY we are doing what we do. I remember the relief in people’s expressions when they’ve been struggling for so long with something and an oil provides them with the solution they’ve been looking for. I remember my own personal testimonies on how dōTERRA’s essential oils have drastically changed mine and R.J.’s lives. I think about the ways dōTERRA is not only providing us with the best essential oils but actively changing the world. I think not of the “business” we are in, but the MOVEMENT we are a part of. Doing this has helped make those difficult days so much easier.

Another area I struggle with right now is becoming a mom. I am beyond excited for our little girl to join us in just a few short months and I thank God everyday for blessing me with the opportunity to be a mom. But being a first time mom, or really just a mom in general, comes with people CONSTANTLY telling you what you should and should not do. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the advice and wisdom very much! But there’s other times where it really bothers me. Let’s take this past week for example.

I’ve been struggling with getting up early in the mornings and it really began frustrating me because I want to become a “morning person” so bad! When I do get up early, I’m always much more motivated, I get things done, and I feel more accomplished throughout the day. Yes, pregnancy takes a huge toll on energy levels but I refuse to let that hold me back. And when people started realizing I was getting up early, (4:30/5am early), and am starting this motivational virtual accountability group to help create this early morning habit…the messages began. “You need your rest,” “You’ll wish you had that sleep when the baby comes”, “Don’t worry about stuff, you need to sleep”, “You’ve got that baby to take care of and grow”, “Creating this habit now is pointless because everything will change when she comes”…it doesn’t end.

Though I understand people are trying to be loving and supportive and caring…I feel if they really wanted to help me, they wouldn’t say that stuff. At least I would hope they wouldn’t. The things people were saying bothered me for two very distinctive reasons:

  1. My husband also works full time and is starting grad school in August right before she is due and yet no one is telling him to slow down…
    I get it, he’s not the one who’s pregnant. But I seriously believe that him having to deal with me during the pregnancy is harder than the actual pregnancy most days. Also, him and I have agreed that both of us will share equal responsibility with her. He’s going to help with feedings and late night diaper changes and deal with sleep deprivation too. Think that’s going to hold him back? No! He’s going to be tired for sure, but he needs to work and he is still going to go after his own dreams and goals for his career and I fully support him for doing so. (R.J., when you read this, you got this babe!)
  2. Having a baby does NOT mean MY life is over!
    Yes, mine and R.J.’s lives will change GREATLY. We will have to adjust to new schedules, learn how to adapt to this new life, and most importantly, we will now be having to keep our beautiful little human alive and raise her. But that doesn’t mean the way I live my life needs to stop.
    I am going to be a WORK from home mom. I have the utmost respect for stay-at-home moms, full-time working moms, work-from-home moms, every type of mom there is! If you’re a mom and you’re loving your child, YOU ARE AMAZING! I am choosing to be a work-from-home mom because I LOVE our business, what we do, and why we do it. I want my child to see what it looks like to work hard. I want to empower and inspire my child to want to do big things, not be afraid of what life throws at her, volunteer, join missions she believes in, and build the life of her dreams.
    I am working very hard with my husband to help us build the life of our dreams, be able to offer our children every opportunity in life possible, and become the people we believe God has intended us to be. But in order for me to become that person and for us to have that life we dream of, it takes hard work, perseverance, dedication, and commitment. “Slowing down” won’t get me there. Creating good habits every day will. Constantly striving to better myself will. Learning to adapt to our new life when she arrives and still pushing forward is what’s going to get us to where we dream of being.

There is one thing I would also like to make clear; I’m getting enough rest, I promise. With wanting to get up earlier, I just make sure I go to bed earlier. Mid-day naps are THE BEST. Rest is crucial for good health! But slowing down will not be an option for me.

Being able to write and say everything I just listed above has been so hard for me to be able to finally do. I used to just hear people’s advice and opinions and then shrink into my turtle shell and wish I had never said anything in the first place. But coming to the realization that God gave me a voice for a reason and that I don’t have to listen to what anyone has to say, has been beyond emotionally rewarding.

Some things I did to help overcome this fear of judgement include:

  • Praying…a lot
  • Talking about it with my husband
  • Therapy (I highly recommend therapy for just about anyone…it is so beneficial for your mental health!)
  • Embracing stoicism
  • and reading every book and listening to every podcast by Rachel Hollis!
    (Rachel, if you ever for whatever reason read our blog and read this…THANK YOU for being one of my biggest heroes!)

People are always going to have opinions and advice to give. You’re not always going to like it. And guess what, you don’t have to! You are your own person, you are living your own life, you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone or do anything anyone says. You want to build your own successful business? Go do it! I pray for nothing but the best for it! You want to lose 100 pounds? You got this! You have dreams of winning a hotdog eating contest? Find one local, enter, and let me join you because I’m hungry all the time and love hotdogs. (Thank you pregnancy). Seriously, do what you want! Dream big or small! Just. Be. You.

To those who have given me recommendations and advice, I love you. Please don’t take what I’m saying as a negative thing. I do honestly appreciate everything. But I’m not slowing down and I’m okay with that.

It’s time to free yourself of feelings of judgement and shame. If you have not done anything wrong, then those feelings shouldn’t exist within you. Go be the person God intended you to be and let go of the fear of what others may think of you.

Written by: Jillian Hughes
June 25th, 2019

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