Going Internal: My New Year’s Resolutions

It’s that time of year when we all think of what it is we want to improve, change, or begin with the start of a new year. But this year is a little extra special, because not only is it a new year, but it’s a new decade. 

I’m only 24. So my last ten years were a majority of my childhood/early adulthood. I had a very rough upbringing with a traumatic past. But in the past 5 years, I’ve really worked on turning that around and striving to live the life I believe God has called me for. 

Now, I’m happily married, a new first-time mama to a beautiful baby girl, my career is just beginning, and I’ve let go of and forgiven the people of my past. So in 2020, I want to continue my growth, not start something new. I love the path God has me on and I believe it’s where He has called me to be. But I want to take longer strides on this path. Work harder to turn this barely walked on dirt path into a beautifully paved road made from prayers, dedication, and a whole lot of help from Jesus. 

So, here’s my 3 New Years/ New Decade resolutions for 2020:

1. Become a better Christian: Towards the end of high school and beginning of college, I was fighting against God. Not with Him, against Him. I was mad with God. My life had just turned upside down, I learned that most of my life was a lie, and I hated God for doing this to me. It wasn’t until I met my husband that I began my healing journey with God and came back to the church. I now miss the days more than ever when I could call my grandma to pray with me because I now want to become a prayer warrior, and boy was she one. I wish I hadn’t taken my time for granted with her and had chosen to learn more from her on how to walk through faith. So in 2020, I promise to work on continuing to become a better Christian and continue to grow within my faith. I will pray more, spend more time with the Word of God, and I will act upon His word. 
2. Become more confident: There’s a big difference between confidence and ego. Ego is a strong sense of self-importance whereas confidence is a firm trust or feeling of certainty. There’s a few areas in my life where I struggle with confidence immensely and those are; the way I look, my future, and being a mom.
A lot of people struggle with confidence in how they look. I gained a lot of weight with my pregnancy and I come from a family that struggles with weight. But I don’t want my daughter to have the negative outlook on her body that I have on mine, so I need to set a positive example. And the one thing grounding me the most in this positive example is that God created my body to protect my soul while it’s awaiting its’ time to enter those big pearly gates and stand with Him. That’s a HUGE responsibility for my body. So I need to treat my body as the temple it is. Fuel it correctly, give it the love and exercise it needs, and appreciate it for its strength in carrying my children. In 2020 and the rest of time, I will feed my body what it needs and what is good for it, I will exercise more, and I will love my beautifully sculpted stretch marks that came from growing the most perfect blessing in my life.
Then there’s my future… I come from a family that struggles with money and is full of toxicity and negativity. I never thought a successful career would be in the cards for me. Success doesn’t mean money to me, it means happiness. And here I am, happy and in love with my career with dōTERRA and as a victims advocate. Sometimes I feel I don’t have what it takes and that I don’t deserve these opportunities. But I will begin to thank God for these blessings and for providing me with these callings.
And lastly, being a mom. I feel a lot of moms struggle with this. We never feel like we are doing the job right. I for one never had a good role model of a mom growing up. And the last thing I want to do is fail my daughter. So I swear to be the mom I wish I had and know that the only thing that matters, is making sure my child knows she is loved.
3. Be a better wife: My husband and I are very happy, he’s one of the best things to ever happen to me and I love him beyond words.  He is my best friend, my anchor, and my better half. But every marriage has its ups and downs. Marriage is a journey, it’s a choice you make to love someone for the rest of your life. Marriage is growth. You can’t possibly expect to be married for 60+ years without having grown together. And in order to grow, it takes WORK. Hard work. In 2020, I will continue to grow with my husband. I will pray for him and our marriage harder than I’ve ever prayed. I will be sure to remind him how much I love him. I will work hard to remind myself to give grace in times of need. I will ask for forgiveness and give forgiveness. I will continue to love him and I will continue to choose him each and every day. 

New Years resolutions don’t have to be a big thing. Don’t get me wrong, they definitely can be. But big goals are easier achieved with small steps. So instead of making big drastic changes, I choose to look at my current journey. How far I’ve come in even just the past five years. And I will choose to continue growing throughout the next year and decade. I will continue on the journey I’m on. Taking small steps that will continue to lead to big changes. I will be the curse breaker of my past. 

R. J. said when I was in labor it looked as if I had gone completely internal. That I was so focused, so calm, and so determined. Well that’s the word I’m choosing for 2020. I’m going internal. Focusing on growing from the inside out. I will be focused, I will be calm, and I am so very determined.

Written by Jillian Hughes
12.27.19

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